MARRIAGE AND CELIBACY
Fourth Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year B. 1 Cor. 7:32-35.
AIM: To explain Catholic teaching about marriage
and celibacy, especially for those currently without a spouse.
“An
unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord,” Paul writes in our
second reading, “how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about
the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and he is divided.” And
Paul goes on to say the same about unmarried and married women. But aren’t Paul’s
words a terrible put-down of married people?
To answer those questions we need to
know about the situation in which Paul was writing. He was addressing people
who considered marriage the only healthy, normal way of living. To such people
Paul was saying: ‘Think again. The single life, especially when embraced for
love of God, is something good and holy.’
Our world is very different from
Paul’s. Yet today, as then, most people assume that everyone must have a
partner. I put it that way because, sadly, more and more people today consider
marriage optional. Living with a partner without marrying, and only “as long as
we’re in love,” is increasingly the norm in today’s society. When such
conditional partnerships break up, it is often children who pay the heaviest
price.
The
Catholic Church rejects the assertion that everyone must have a partner. It
affirms instead that everyone, married or single, should strive for chastity. “At the moment of his baptism,” the Catechism
says, “the Christian is pledged to lead his affective life in chastity.” (No.
2348) This is done, the Catechism explains, in different ways. “Some profess
virginity or consecrated celibacy which enables them to give themselves to God
alone with an undivided heart in a remarkable manner. Others live in the way
prescribed for all by the moral law, whether they are married or single.” In
support, the Catechism quotes the fourth century bishop of Milan,
St. Ambrose, who writes: “There are three
forms of the virtue of chastity: the first is that of spouses, the second that
of widows. And the third that of virgins. We do not praise any one of them to
the exclusion of the others. ... This is what makes for the richness of the
discipline of the Church.” (No. 2349)
In honoring celibacy the Church
proclaims that the single life, embraced responsibly for love of God, is a good
life – and a happy life. It is estimated that at any given point in time
roughly a third of the adult population is without a spouse: either not yet
married, separated or divorced, or widowed. It is a great disservice to such
people to allow them to regard themselves as disadvantaged and somehow
incomplete. To those not married, whether through choice or circumstances, the
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Catholic
Church proclaims the good news: ‘Your life can be happy, fulfilled, and
meaningful. As long as there is love in your life – love of God and love of
others – you lack nothing essential. You can hold your head high.’
But the Church which honors celibacy
also highly honors marriage. Marriage is
one of the seven sacraments. “On the threshold of his public life,” the
Catechism says, “Jesus performs his first sign – at his mother’s request –
during a wedding feast. The Church attaches great importance to Jesus’ presence
at the wedding at Cana. She sees in it the
confirmation of the goodness of marriage and the proclamation that thenceforth
marriage will be an efficacious sign of Christ’s presence.” (No. 1613)
The Church condemns today’s liberated
sexuality – expressed in the slogan, “If it feels good, do it” – because it is
responsible for so much disappointment, so much loneliness, so much cynicism
about the possibility of ever finding true love – and hence so much despair. It
drags us down to the animal level. It deprives sexuality of the reverence with
which all high cultures have surrounded it, because it comes from the hand of
God, enabling us to participate in the divine work of creation.
The Church also rejects what is today
called “gay marriage.” Homosexual people, the Catechism says, “must be accepted
with respect, compassion and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination
in their regard should be avoided.” (No. 2358) This does not mean, however, that we can re-define marriage at will. “Marriage is not merely a human institution,”
the Catechism says, “despite the many variations it may have undergone through
the centuries ...” (No. 1603) Marriage, in other words, is something given in
the order of nature. It is not ours to reshape as we please.
But what about Paul’s claim in our
second reading that single people are more devoted to God’s service than the
married? We must remember that Paul was writing for people who saw nothing good
at all in the single life. Hence he points out that the freedom from family
responsibilities which single people enjoy makes it possible for them to serve
God and others in ways not available for married people. Moreover, Paul was
writing a letter. Had he been composing a balanced treatise on celibacy and
marriage, he would have had to point out a unique danger in the single life:
the constant temptation to please not the Lord but one’s self; to sink into a
comfortable and selfish bachelor life.
Even
when we have said all this, however, we are still left with the question: Why
celibacy? Specifically, why does the Church require this of her priests?
Speaking a few years ago to seminarians at Conception Abbey in northwest Missouri, I answered
this question as follows: Everything in this world
is good, sex included, because it comes from God, who is pure goodness. Yet the
goodness of everything in this world is finite. Perfect goodness exists only in another world: the world of God. It
is one thing to say this. But people will never believe it unless they see
examples of people who are actually living here and now by the standards of that
other world. So when God calls a man to celibacy, he is asking him to live in
this world as a citizen of another world, the world of heaven.
Bishop Robert Barron, who is widely recognized as the Bishop Fulton
Sheen of our day, writes: “The mission of celibates is to witness to a
transcendent form of love, the way that we will love in heaven. There, in God’s
world, we will experience a communion (bodily as well as spiritual) compared to
which even the most intense forms of communion here below pale into
insignificance; and celibates make this truth viscerally real for us now. I
believe that celibacy only finally makes sense in this eschatological context.”
I can hear someone objecting already: “How many priests are actually
living by the standards of God’s world?” There are two answers to that
question, and they are both correct. The first is, “Not all that many.” And the
second is, “More than you would think!” Moreover, if we posed a similar
question about marriage, asking how many married people truly sacrifice
everything for their spouses, and for the children God gives them, we would get
the same two answers. Failure to achieve the ideal is no reason to abandon the
ideal, whether it be total love of God for celibates, or total sacrifice for
others for married people.
To achieve the fulfillment and happiness each of us is seeking, all
of us, married or single, must put God first in our lives, others second, and
ourselves third. That is not something we can do, over the long haul, by
willpower alone. It requires faith – trust in a God whose love for us surpasses
our wildest imagination, and whose love will never let us go. All of us,
therefore, married or single, need to pray always: “Lord, I believe. Help my
unbelief.” (Mark 9:4)